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Ryan had made his own mistakes in the past and given far too much attention to what money could buy. He’d made a good living with skiing and had taken some chances.

  After the accident, he’d decided to obtain a degree in criminology as he’d always dreamed. Then he’d entered the police academy. Sure, there was no real money in his profession, but the satisfaction he got every day from making a difference was priceless.

  Could Vera ever be happy as the wife of a public servant? He shook his head. What did that matter?

  They were just good friends.

  Even if his heart had other ideas.

  

  Vera stared. Maggie had put Vera’s name on the list without her consent. Good thing she hadn’t torn into Ryan with her accusations. She opened her mouth to speak.

  A nurse wheeled the baby in the room.

  “Here he is. All warmed up and ready for Mom,” the nurse said.

  “Do you want to hold him, Vera?” Maggie asked.

  Before Vera could decline, the nurse picked him up from the plastic crib and placed him in her shaking arms.

  She backed up to the chair and sat down, afraid her trembling legs might not hold her up. The powdery, clean smell of newborn baby caused her to inhale deeply.

  His tiny fists were raised up next to his face like a little boxer. It hardly seemed possible, but he would be fine.

  She pushed back tears. “Have you picked out a name yet? I can’t keep calling him the baby.”

  “It was to be John Vincent, after Jack’s grandfather. But now I will have to see how I can work Ryan and Vera into his name.” Maggie laughed.

  The baby’s cheeks were a healthy pink. Bundled up he didn’t look as small as Vera remembered. Thank you, God. He’s going to live. “Don’t be silly. John. What a beautiful name. Simple, but strong.”

  This baby was a fighter. And he had a great story to tell his own children someday.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put your name on the foundation list. But when Ryan told me about the tournament, I panicked.” Maggie winced.

  “I would have told you, but I didn’t want you to worry.” Vera touched John’s impossibly soft cheek.

  “You know me too well. It sounds too dangerous.”

  “I don’t want you to worry about me. You have enough on your plate.”

  “I’m never too busy for you.”

  Vera wanted to believe that.

  But they lived in different worlds since Maggie married Jack. Maggie was no longer a single mother parenting her troubled teenaged daughter. Back then, Vera and Maggie were thick as thieves. But then Jack had entered the picture, and it made sense that there was less time for their friendship.

  “Don’t worry. I’m a pretty decent skier. And Ryan has been training with me.” Interesting that she could breathe evenly with John in her arms. She sat still, afraid the smallest movement might injure him.

  Maggie leaned forward. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Ryan, haven’t you?”

  Vera flushed, and not because of the warmth in the room, or the fact that the baby lay in her arms. “It’s possible that Ryan has changed.”

  “I tried to tell you that. And I think you two would be perfect together.”

  “You do?” This didn’t surprise her.

  Maggie wouldn’t be happy until the whole world was filled with unicorns and rainbows.

  “It always seemed that you were two of a kind. Male and female versions of the same person. You both like to have a good time, and neither one of you ever wanted to settle down. Not to mention that you’re both the most stubborn people I’ve ever met.”

  “Hmmm. Maybe you have a point.”

  “Why didn’t you ever go out with him? I wondered about that, too.”

  That one was harder to explain. Maybe on some deeper level she’d sensed that being with Ryan would be complicated. “You can wonder all you want.”

  The baby began to squirm in Vera’s arms and his face turned frightening shades of red. Unnerved, Vera handed him back to Maggie. Exhaustion seeped into Vera as the night’s events took their toll. Combined with the punishing workouts and days on the slopes, Vera felt every one of her thirty-two years.

  The nurse came in and handed Vera an extra pillow and a blanket. “You can stay if you like. I won’t say anything.”

  Vera marveled at the influence Ryan had on rigid female nurses. She settled in to the stiff hospital chair. Her eyelids drooped.

  Maggie seemed to be sailing on a considerable second wind. “Take a nap,” Maggie said.

  “Shouldn’t you be the tired one?” Vera yawned and stretched.

  “No, I’ve got that new-mother surge of energy and adrenaline. I could stay up all night. In fact, maybe I will.”

  “I wouldn’t advise it.” The nurse took the baby and placed him in the rolling crib. “You should take advantage of the nursery while you can.”

  “No. I want him to stay with me.” Maggie placed her hand on the crib and stopped its movement.

  “Suit yourself, but call if you need anything.” The nurse walked out of the room.

  Vera had seen her sister, Amy, act the same way with her babies. Not for the first time, Vera wondered what kind of mother she might have been if she’d had the chance. As she drifted off to sleep, she prayed someday she’d have the privilege of holding her own baby.

  For the first time in years, she dreamt of her baby girl again. Her own little secret, piercing pain. She never talked about her anymore, as though she’d never existed. At one time, that had been more painful, but now, well some women were just not meant to be mothers.

  Vera awoke with tears in her eyes. Conscious of whispering sounds, she wiped her eyes and blinked at the scene before her.

  Jack lay in the bed next to Maggie and held his baby son.

  Lexi stood on the other side of Maggie.

  Vera had apparently slept for hours, the only awareness of the length of time being the severity of the crick in her neck.

  “Aunt Vera, isn’t he beautiful?” Lexi squealed.

  “You’re awake,” Maggie said.

  “Hmm.” Vera massaged her neck. This kind of knot might never come out.

  “Hey, thanks for your help, V.” The bags under Jack’s eyes and the days’ worth of beard growth couldn’t conceal the joy in his eyes.

  “I didn’t do anything. Ryan was the hero. I was the crazy driver.”

  “I heard you were speeding again.” Jack frowned.

  “In my defense, I almost got her to the hospital in time.”

  “I can’t blame you. I might have done the same,” Jack said.

  “Well thanks for that, Sheriff.” Vera stood and stretched.

  Ryan walked in the room holding a bouquet of flowers.

  Lexi hugged him.

  After greetings and hugs all around, Jack handed his son to Ryan. “You need to hold him. He probably looks a lot better than the first time you did.”

  Ryan held the baby close, like fear was not part of the equation and as though he’d been doing it his whole life.

  “What do you think, Vera? Want to hold him?” Ryan met her gaze.

  “That’s OK, I held him last night.” She had to get out of here.

  Jack and Lexi were back, and Maggie wouldn’t be alone now.

  Vera had a business to run, and a tournament to win. “I need to get going. I couldn’t reach Annie last night so I don’t know if she got my message to open up this morning. For all I know there’s a line of people waiting.”

  “I drove by this morning, and she must have gotten your message.” Ryan gave the baby back to Maggie.

  “Good. Well, I have to get to the gym. My trainer is a real stickler,” Vera teased.

  “That he is. I can give you a ride,” Ryan said.

  “You and the gym? Why?” Lexi cocked her head to the side.

  “I’ll tell you later,” Maggie said.

  Jack moved toward the door as Vera and Ryan were leaving. “I’ll be right back
, baby,” Jack said to Maggie.

  Vera should have seen it coming. In the hallway, she faced both Ryan and Jack, like two handsome matching bookends.

  “What’s this about a ski tournament?” Jack asked.

  “I think you already know.” Vera narrowed her eyes.

  “It’s not a good idea,” Jack said.

  “Save it. Ryan has already given it his best.” Vera folded her arms.

  Ryan nodded. “And she won’t listen.”

  “I won’t argue. I know what it’s like when a woman makes up her mind,” Jack said.

  “Smart man.” Vera nodded.

  “Just be careful. There are a lot of people who care about you and don’t want to see you hurt.” Jack touched her shoulder.

  The kindness in his eyes lowered her defenses. “Don’t worry. I will.”

  “And I’ll make sure of it.” Ryan met her gaze.

  

  Ryan opened the passenger door of the cruiser, and Vera eased into the front seat.

  “It was getting a little too sweet in there for me,” she said.

  “I used to feel that way until I realized the problem was jealousy.” No reason to mince words. He wanted exactly what Jack and Maggie had—a family. No matter how far he’d tried to run from that fact it had still caught up with him.

  Vera gazed at him with narrowed eyes. “You jealous? Why?”

  “Who wouldn’t want what they have? You can practically feel the love pouring out into the hallways.” He pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

  “Babies scare me. So much can go wrong.” She slid down in her seat.

  “He’s going to be OK.”

  Vera’s fears seemed excessive, but the unexpected birth had shocked him, too. He’d been distressed and in completely uncharted territory, but Vera seemed shaken to the core. He’d seen it in her wild gaze, unfocused for the first time. Flying down treacherous mountains trails didn’t faze her, but a newborn knocked her off course? It didn’t make sense.

  “I hope so. But it’s still so much to risk.”

  “I don’t think so. Love is worth it. I know I want a family someday. Don’t you?” He’d come full circle in that regard. Running from responsibility was another part of his past. Holding Jack’s baby today had affirmed his feelings. One day, God willing, he’d be a father, too.

  “No. Some people are not meant to be parents.”

  The certainty in her voice rattled him. Next subject. “I’ve been meaning to ask if you’ve had any more thoughts about the foundation. It’s not too late to get their help.”

  “They called me. Maggie put me on the list.”

  “She did? That’s great.”

  “No, it’s not. Someone else should get that assistance. Maybe one of the church members.”

  “But why not you? We’re not only helping people who attend church. That’s not the point. I’m proud that we’re doing something in the community to help everyone who needs it.” He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

  “I’d rather not.”

  He’d had enough of her vague excuses. As they turned on Main Street, he pulled the truck over in front of Katie’s bookstore. Time to get to the bottom of this.

  “Why are we stopping here?” Vera shifted in her seat.

  He shut off the car and turned in his seat to face her. “You have to tell me now. Why not you? What makes you so undeserving?”

  Vera folded her arms and looked out the window. “I’m not doing this now.”

  “C’mon, did you rob a bank or something I’m not aware of? This might be a good time to confess.” He grinned, but the feeble attempt at humor apparently did not sit well with Vera.

  She glared at him. “I’m not a good person. OK?”

  “Neither am I, darlin’.”

  “Please don’t tell me that. You help everybody. You’re a hero to everyone you meet.”

  “I’m trying. A work in progress. If you don’t think I struggle, you’re wrong. I’m human, too.”

  “You look human.” She bit her lip.

  “Unless you did cheat as Kevin accused, you have no reason to feel guilty about anything. No reason not to accept help.” Now it was out in the open.

  “Is that what you think?” Vera glared at him, a fire in her eyes.

  “Not at all. But tell me. Do you blame yourself in some way? Because you’re acting like you do.”

  “Listen to me, Colton. I never broke my vows. Even though everyone thought I did. And, yeah, maybe I should have tried harder to make the marriage work. But I did everything I could. It takes two people to save a marriage. “

  “You’re right. Look at me,” he said, waiting until her gaze met his. “I’m not judging you.”

  “Maybe not you, but if I take money from the foundation, I can’t help but think that someday I’ll do something wrong. And they’ll turn on me. I’m not perfect and I won’t ever be.”

  In that moment, he had to tell her the truth. He took her hand. “I want to tell you about my accident.”

  “Now?”

  “You wanted to know. I don’t talk about it because the whole thing was my fault. Breaking my back. Six months of traction. My fault.”

  “You broke your back? How was that your fault?”

  “Because I was drunk.” Not even the worst thing he’d ever done, but it was now out in the open.

  Her blue eyes widened, but he didn’t see any judgment in them. “You were?”

  “The night before, I’d been out late drinking and having fun ‘til the morning hours. The alcohol was still in my system when I had to race the next morning. Of course, there was no way I was going to bow out. That would have looked bad. And I paid for my pride.”

  “Is that why you haven’t skied in years?”

  “Maybe. I used to relive the accident every time I’d get up on a pair of skis.”

  “Used to? Ryan, you entered the tournament even though the last time you skied you broke your back?” Tears filled Vera’s eyes.

  The last thing he’d intended was to make her cry. “I had to get back out there, eventually. And you know what? I’ve enjoyed it.” After the first few days of heart palpitations.

  Vera didn’t say anything.

  Maybe he’d been successful in convincing her he was no angel. She’d probably want another trainer.

  She unbuckled her seatbelt and moved to him, embracing him without any words. Her head rested on his shoulder while he opened his arms and pulled her near, closing his eyes.

  “Do you still think I’m a good person?” he whispered in her ear.

  “Yes. I do.”

  They held each other until a few pedestrians stared into the truck.

  He didn’t want to let go. He’d given her the biggest part of his heart.

  Yet she hadn’t told him why she couldn’t accept the foundation’s help.

  But Vera had broken down the last defenses of his heart.

  10

  The first qualifying race was only one day away. Vera flew down the slope. The sharp hiss of her skis was a comfort. Thanks to Ryan’s help, her speed had improved due to the new form and control she had adopted.

  If only she could exert the same discipline over her emotions. She’d nearly lost her determination to keep that tight control when Ryan’s brown eyes had stared into hers. There was nothing but warmth and love and none of the fear she expected to see given the knowledge of his accident.

  The truth had slammed into her like a freight train. Ryan would not only give her the purse if he won. He had also faced great fear. To see him push off the hill, one would never know there had been an accident.

  Still, doubts occupied her mind day and night. No one had ever sacrificed so much for her. The possibility still existed that Ryan was feeding her a line, and if he won, he’d walk away with the money. He owed her absolutely nothing. She would do well to remember that.

  She couldn’t share what she’d done. Maybe someday she’d have the courage to tell him. For now her bra
very would have to be limited to the race, which she had a chance of winning. Right.

  Ryan sidled up beside her at the end of the run. “Great job. You’ve improved in every way. Want to go again?”

  “You should practice your own runs. I don’t want to take time away from you.”

  “I’ll do that later.”

  For the last few weeks, he’d spent all of his free time with her. He was nothing like the outrageous flirt she remembered and she wondered how anyone could change so completely. “One more for me and that’s it. I need to call it a day.” She walked to the ski lift with Ryan.

  Kyle and his entourage approached. The man always had women surrounding him. Even the ones who weren’t skiing would walk with him to the lift just to stand there and wave.

  “You still here?” Kyle grinned at Vera.

  “I can’t make it too easy for you, can I?”

  “That’s the spirit.” Kyle walked away chuckling.

  “Was it that way for you, too? Always people hanging around?” Especially women, she wanted to add, but reconsidered.

  Ryan shrugged. “Everybody loves a winner.”

  “So the answer is yes?”

  “The answer is, when I won.”

  She looked for a hint of bitterness in his gaze, but there was nothing but heart in those deep brown eyes.

  At the top of the hill, she and Ryan lined up for their last freestyle run of the day. She’d finally risen to his level and they often raced each other down the hill.

  Every one of her muscles ached and screamed in protest, but one more run couldn’t hurt. Then she’d go home and lie in a hot steamy bath and relax. She started off slightly ahead of Ryan.

  He passed her on the second leg. Eyes on him, she made him a target. She’d pass him. That would prove to him that she was ready for this, as ready as she’d ever be. Maybe then, she’d get him to drop out of the race. After all, she couldn’t face it if he won and walked away with the money. Or worse, if he was injured again.

  Crouching, she put all her speed into it, forming her skis into two parallel lines. One minute into her new found lift, her right leg lost control as though the quivering muscles could no longer hold her up.

  Red hot searing pain created a burning agony beyond words. Vera opened her mouth to scream, but the air was pushed from her lungs as she hit the ground and rolled in drifts of white powder. The pain overcame her as she fell into darkness.